OW

I know there is such a thing as blogging too much but I don't care, it is all I can do right now.

Last week on Monday Becca marveled at my cheer. I assured her that I did have the occasional half hour of despondency and she told me that, even so, if I ever actually needed her she would be there. She did not know what she was letting herself in for.

I don't think I have ever actually seen more pain ever in one place. We are not just talking Sam, though that sort of shadows the whole thing. Failed ambitions, broken hearts, lost dreams, yet more death. Everywhere I look. What is going on...?

When I started this blog it was Easter and I wrote about that day and the resurrection of Jesus as a symbol, or analogy, of hope in and potential for fullness of life. This is still true. Yet, well, show me the fullness...

I wasn't wrong to be hopeful like this but I did miss a vital part and that part is Good Friday. The day that represents death. The day of darkness. The day that reminds us of the things in this world that block freedom and life and, to me, shows the need for the substitution of Jesus.

I really really want it to be Sunday now, all the time, but I realise it isn't. Experience speaks for itself that all is not well. Some poeple would tell me I am living in a limiting mindset. I tell them to wait for what comes next if they don't believe me yet. Every day I wake up knowing that the day has something significant to bring and every day I go to bed and am hit by the sadness of what the day did bring. This afternoon I saw hope come to one girl as she dealt with her grief... only to hear a sudden death stole the life of her friend tonight. What is going on? I thought I had it bad. How are we to stand this?

Thing is, I do. I can stand it. I don't get it but I still fervently believe in the true love forever. I think I must be autistic. When love is imperfect our hope might be misplaced. When love is perfect then, by definition, it will not fail us.

If I had to pick a day of the week to be an analogy to life now I think it would be Saturday. Touched on both sides by the dark of Friday and the light of Sunday it is the both/and once more. Moving ever closer to the next day and farther from the one before, but not yet arrived... we have departed though, our destination is certain and it is at least the weekend.

So I sing. 'Dancing in the Moonlight' and 'Dance the Night Away' are pretty helpful. They are cheesy crap but I need that right now. It is Saturday night and the lights are down low. So DANCE. What else to do? I have more vehemency for life. I don't want to be bitter like Wolverine or Inigo Montoya. I have decided to be a musician, or at least actually try. Life is too short for wishful thinking and it seems the best way I know to bring joy. We need joy so so bad. And a soundtrack to dance to.

No, my hope is not stolen yet. Au contraire, it makes me all the more desperate to get away from Friday and see the dawn rising. I think we have to be ready to herald that dawn in and seek the rising sun and the casting away of the shadows. That is where the belief in the brighter future comes from even though we are still painfully aware of the things that happened yesterday.

I don't know how much more darkness will come and I desperately hope that I can stay joyful if it does. Literally anything could happen in the blink of an eye. The world as we know it is changing before our eyes.

Apparently, though, when Pandora opened that box and let evil out into the world, left in the bottom was hope. (No, I haven't confused my religion with ancient mythology.) Fragile though it was, it was there after all the bad stuff attacked.

Every generation sees shi*t happen and they didn't all see the end of the world come. I can't possibly speculate. I don't pretend to. But the phrase "the darkest hour is before the dawn" comes to mind. Time scales are of no consequence. I personally feel I can't cope with much more of this and still keep smiling most of the time but I could be wrong... we will bear what we will bear and the promises of what will come are very good and very real. People are tougher than they think. So what if I've got an injury and may not be able to race at the weekend; and my degree is falling apart before my eyes; and, well, I don't know what will sneak up on me next to try and steal my joy but it has all been having a pretty good go. However, if I can resist long enough it will stop and then the good will come... and it's not just true for me either. It is a little scary as to what may happen next, I admit. Better pray harder. In the end though, we go through hardships (link) now for a kingdom that will not fail or end. That's not just the Bible, it's the very nature of resistance and endurance training - ask any athlete.

Yes, we really still can see the brighter future. I once marveled to myself at how chirpy this blog had turned out and how much the world seemed to be telling me bright, joyful things. Now? I think it is telling me something quite different... but also that, in the valley, good things will come and how, though still dark, the dancing for joy isn't not true.

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
Psalm 84: 5-7 (link)

Becca and I watched The Princess Bride again tonight. Keeping the vision. Lol, watching our "Perfect Love" in the shape of Westley the Farm Boy more like:


I jest because I don't know what else to do. And because I can. Hey, this is my Jesus, my true love, and I will not "marry another while He lives"... and, well, he sure is perfect... :-P Before we did this we lay on top of my car and watched the night sky and wished upon some stars. Then, well, I thought it was funny - a bloke walked past and in a moment of brilliant quickness I looked up and said:

"This isn't your car is it?"

We laughed for like 5 minutes.

Right here right now OW is a pretty good summary. But then so is WOW. Both/And. The best part is: the bad is fleeting and the good is not. This is why joy has, thus far, survived.

Sorry to be so intense, life just is right now. I wonder if it will ever not be...

Love Cadette

A post to share the sermon I recommended that was preached on Sunday:

http://www.woodlandschurch.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=226&Itemid=119

It's the most recent one called "Vision for Growth" by Dave Mitchell. That was the intended topic of that morning see. It is also, in a very real way, a part of what happens off the back of the accident. As I talked about being a Wolverine yesterday, with passion from devastation to fight evil, I could see that increased vision for the advancement of the Kingdom/fullness of life/good things/perfection/true love. It kicked it home.

But the thing that is most important is the LOVE. Fighting dark with light, evil with good, wrong with right. That is a clear message of the sermon. Not surrendering, as Wolverine was at risk of doing, to being driven by bitterness and a lust for revenge.

We had nickname doing kids work on Saturday because they couldn't have their real name displayed in public (a protection again the sad fact of the dark things of world). We had bandannas which we customised and mine said "Love Cadette". I must remember this, when we go forth. It isn't about revenge but redemption.

One interesting point I just want to highlight (for those that don't listen to it) from the sermon was the question of why. In John 9 it looks like Jesus may give an answer as to why bad things happen:

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus.

Simple enough, good clarifier. The next bit Dave explains as having no grammar in the original Hebrew and so I write it without:

"but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life as long as it is day we must do the work of him who sent me night is coming when no one can work while I am in the world I am the light of the world"

Looking at the version of punctuation in the link it may suggest that this happened to display the work of God. That don't sound like my God. The suggestion then is perhaps rather:

"but this happened. So that the work of God might be displayed in his life as long as it is day we must do the work of him who sent me..."

It just happened. We haven't the answer but it is time to get on with the work to display God, that is, display love (link). Get on with bringing the light before it is too late.

"night is coming when no one can work while I am in the world I am the light of the world"

It's the classic "life is too short." While we still can there is light, love, to be brought. You don't have to be sent by God to see that need. You don't have to be told by Jesus that time is running out.

What is your source of light and are you lighting the world? It's all about being a love cadette, not an angry ambitious wolfman gone awol. Nor a circus freak that runs away from confrontation and hides in a tent, playing with lightbulbs and earning the odd dollar from his gift (that one is a more obscure reference... you will need to have seen the film!) - he didn't win his battle when the time came and Wolverine missed the point in the end.

X-Men Origins and Divine DJing

I went to see this tonight. It don't know how good it was. It think it might have been very bad but I was so busy being analogised that I didn't care.

In short: there is a whole lot of evil out there that needs fighting.

Other things that happened to me today were - God took me shopping and bought me a new prophetic T-shirt. It says:

TRUE LOVE FOREVER

Amen to that.

I am aware of late just How Much more there is than this life. I don't think I care anymore about what is going to happen to me, I just want to have metal bound to my skeleton so I am strong enough to fight the baddies. You have to be riled up to feel like this and I reckon I have been by all the tragedy. No matter how much it hurts - the liberation of thousands of caged, abused, helpless victims is what matters. I think sometimes the shit has to hit the fan to really see this. The trappings have to be stripped away. The security in the fleeting things let go.

It is good. When we have a total eclipse of the heart (link) we realise that forever just has to start tonight. The harsh truth that things are falling apart stands but there is still love in the dark and, with the help of some fortified mutation, there are a whole load of captives needing to be released all the more urgently now.

Jesus was my DJ all the way home, see. Another of the many pertinent tracks that came up random on my ipod was "The Man in Black" by Johnny Cash himself. He was kinda pissed at the way of things too.

This is my verse in particular:

"Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Til things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black."

I don't know if things are bright enough yet for a rainbow. "'Til we start to make a move to make a few things right"... are we doing that enough? Clearly no.

But Wolverine was a pretty angry man. I don't want my passion at loss to turn me black. I think, all this said, it is still rainbow time now. After all, if we gotta imagine that brighter future (link) then I suppose we gotta wear the rainbow to show we believe.

If you wanna see the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain. One more prophecy from Johnny... Yesterday, whilst praying for rain to stop, this track (link) popped up (straight after this one (link) actually!). At the end a monologue that linked to the next song about cotton pickin' played. This is what it said:

"My mother always said if you look for it, if you’re committed to the Lord, that there’s a blessing that will always come in times of adversity. Well I couldn’t see it, you know, a blessing in that flood that run us out of our home for two weeks... but we came back from the hills and the blessing was there alright. The land was covered with rich black river dirt… and Daddy planted the cotton crop… and the cotton grew taller that next year than ever before. And everything good happened at pickin’ time if anything good was gonna happen. And that year we had a great pickin’ time."

Sometimes my stupid hope gets me into trouble, when I just can't help using it for the irrelevant stuff. But I reckon with all the rain that's been falling lately I might just need it to keep a hold of this significant promise of blessed white fields to come.

Turn around bright eyes. Head to higher ground. Forever, true love, starts tonight. We're just a step from heaven (link). There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning (link) and, though we're soaking through and through, He's handing us a towel (link). Hope. Sometimes it's all we got. I think it might be all the more important now.

Tomorrow I will wear some rainbows, whether I feel like it or not. And the new T-shirt, of course - it's all about the True Love... 'cause it lasts Forever.

The Princess Bride

I don't know if I am blogging too much at the moment but I am thinking a lot and it is sure a helpful way of processing. I realise that we all speak different languages and that I myself use evangelical Christian lingo loads (and still feel a bit wierd about it a lot of the time). I do try and interchange that to semi-explain but today I want to define stuff at the start so I don't have to keep caveating. One phrase I tend to use is 'fullness of life' because I think it is self-explanatory and we can all relate to it without the need for translation. It is a general notion that I have often mixed up with "The Kingdom of God" or "The Kingdom of Heaven" (same thing as each other) but this is actually a far more specific concept (it also means fullness but has a particular method for achievement) that I found myself referring to in part in my last post and which may well have been quite confusing for readers that aren't au fait with the details of my faith.

So let me elucidate through the medium of one of the greatest films ever made.

The theme of the church being the bride of Christ has come up a few times recently on AT! so when I decided to watch this film tonight I sort of had an inkling it might make an interesting analogy! Gosh, I know, contrived. Yet I have been really wanting to watch it again for ages now and kept looking out for it every time I go past DVDs for sale; then today a serious of uncoordinated events lead me to a friend's house who had watch it the day before and I realised that now was my chance! We used to watch it in DT at Christmas... who'd have thought I would see Jesus in it 11 years later...!

I don't want to ruin the plot, though really can anyone not have seen this legend of a film...? I suppose I can't assume. Like Jesus, some fools are still missing out :-P Jokes! Basically it a story with the central theme of True Love. Evil is personified incredibly well by the lying cowardly selfish prince and there is an initially-underdog hero with a hidden identity. A posy of inept but well-intending and diverse companions represent the church!

You may think that this film is about Jesus coming to earth, fighting for love and, given he dies and is resurrected at one point, we then see the Easter story. It could be about that I suppose but actually, as I eluded to before, this is not the complete story of Jesus according to the Christian faith.

You see, this hero actually dies twice in the story. At the start he leaves but promises to return for his true love, so when the news of his death arrives it destroys her ability to ever love again. Her life is in effect then sold to the evil prince and she doesn't know any kind of joy at all. Then he turns up again out of the blue, rescues her from the foolish yet deadly kidnappers (even though it was "inconceivable") and they are free to fight for her freedom (spot the paradox) from her betrothal to the head baddie. THIS is where "The Kingdom" is now. Post return from the dead by the unexpected saviour and love of her life, they are suddenly alive again together - him in body, her in heart - and ready to take the victory. The power of that love means that they will succeed. Yet they are not out of the danger zone and still have to get through the "fire swamp", be hunted down by the prince, and then, after a little bit of death, storm the palace, kill some major enemies and suffer much injury. Indeed, they are actually separated for a time during which she has seemingly returned to her fate and can only hope for him to once more come back for her.

While he is away is when he dies the second time. Except, actually, he doesn't die at all. Even when they go for the "miracle" the witchdoctor says he is only mostly dead and that is not what we believe about the cross At All. But it might be what we believe about Christianity at times.

You see, the Kingdom was established when he came back the first time. Back from the dead that is (we are talking about Jesus now by the way, not the farmboy-turned-fighter). That was when her heart was reawaken, that was when she (the princess bride - both her and the church) gained her faith in him so that, when she lost sight of him again, she knew it wasn't forever and believed in the return. He (Westley) said to her (Buttercup):

W: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."

B: "I will never doubt again."

W: "There will never be a need."

Awwwwwww.

She did doubt mind. He came back at such a last minute, when she had (mistakenly) thought it was too late, that she was about to kill herself in despair. He would never have let her though.

We Christians often doubt, despite the reassurances that there is no need. We live with this love in our hearts but it can wane and when the evil baddies of the world are trying to woo us, whilst secretly plotting behind our backs to strangle us on our wedding night, it can feel a lot like that love isn't coming back. Sometimes we even entertain the idea of "marrying another" but this love, this perfect love, really cannot be tracked down by a thousand blood hounds or broken... no way no how (I can't remember the whole quote).

In the time they are reunited he rescues her from a pit. Soon after, when she is afraid and says "We'll never succeed. We may as well die here", he says "No, no. We have already succeeded." There is this whole time that goes by of knowing that love is alive and they are already victorious and then having to wait for it to arrive. That is what I meant yesterday when I said NOW and NOT YET. They have still got stuff to fight and, as I am all too aware, losses to bear, but the love is alive and in that there is all the potential for joy in the world and an ever increasing experience of it, as we become more and more full and free in life... closer and closer to him coming back and deafeating the enemy once and for all.

So that is what "The Kingdom" is. It is the living love in our hearts that is exploding outwards as we approach the day of completion. I do believe we have the Key to the Kingdom in our hands/hearts but I also believe that the King has not yet taken control. He was crowned on the cross, the coronation at the crucifixion, but he is waiting a while before he fully takes up the position. The wait seems so painful but He does it out of love because if there was no wait we'd have no chance to choose Him. He leaves the gates open to let people in but as long as they are open bad stuff can get in too... That's why it is another both/and situation and so confusing and also frustrating at times. It - that is the love, the Kingdom - becomes more pervasive though, I think it advances as the plot climaxes. This happens as the unlikely but lovable drunk, socially rejected, foolish, bitter companions come alongside the now unmasked hero, who they realise they both need and love, and unite together with him even though they tried to kill him near the start. They really hope and do their best, he is brilliant, the princess marries her saviour and their love is finally made complete. The couple have the most passionate, the most pure kiss since kissing was invented and then they ride off into the distance on white horses, to the Happy Ever After.

All this and narrated by Columbo too. If heaven is half as good then you know it will be a pretty special place!