Today I did my last exam. Phewww.
I still have a dissertation to do and a history of not making deadlines. Some may say don't hold your breath... 26 days late is my longest record!
I call it a lifeline this time. I've been offered a lifeline to make up for my inadequacy. People say "deadline" is a phrase that stems from slavery, when to get a task completed by or else... I don't know if this is true. I do sort of feel like that is the (albeit pessimistic) case for this mortal coil though, in't it? We have to fit everything in before our deadline...
This is a meandering post that is sort of going wherever my 1am "I wish I was sleepy but I'm a bit out of sync and over-medicated and can't settle even though I only had 4 hours last night" mind will take it. Slavery - the bible talks about being a slave to sin. Hear me out, if we take out the word "sin" and replace it with "being a bit of a sh*t" then I reckon that is rather legit. It was my one year anniversary with Jesus yesterday (OMG His present to me was amazing but that is for another day) and my sis bought me this book that I haven't yet read but I flicked and it has a quote from C.S. Lewis (leg-end) that I thought was interesting and seems to fit:
"Hell begins with a grumbling mood, always complaining, always blaming others... but you are still distinct from it. You may even criticise it in yourself and wish you could stop it. But there may come a day when you can no longer. Then there will be no you to criticise the mood or even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself, going on forever like a machine. It is not a question of God 'sending us' to hell. In each of us there is something growing, which will BE Hell unless it is nipped in the bud." From The Great Divorce
I do love good old Clive, wow. He just puts into words, so eloquently and relatably, many notions that people often can't otherwise appreciate from the Bible. It matches (in my mind) how I have been trying to talk about the way darkness exists in the world through peoples' attitudes - not being excited by life or caring enough or joyful or loving or hopeful or enthusiastic and active to seek these things... Apathy being a good example. Or selfishness. Or compromise. Or fear.
On Sunday night I heard a really good sermon about being courageous. Afterwards the pastor was chatting with us students some more and he said something that really stuck in me. "If you are already fearless then you can't be courageous". Now. I have been rather getting carried away with my vehemency for change in this world and not stopping short of anything less than what probably seems intensely "radical". I've been called brave recently, that was actually for something quite specific but in general people are encouraging of my enthusiasm. Yet, well, in all my passion and heart and real intention to act I realise that I am not actually pushing myself. I am just a verbose (some may say gobby) drama queen who had such a rubbish life for so long that she is now logically embracing the truth she has found and pushing it to the max because, as a mathematician, it comes naturally to her to optimise return. In this oblivious place I can easily seem pushy, guilt-trippy and lately, I realised to my horror, passive aggressive (mostly sub-conscious but still loaded, sorry guys). But the thing is, I am not actually being nearly as bold as I may be implying because all this is what I like best anyway. I don't want to suggest (or believe) that unless people are like me they are not "going for broke" because while I have A Lot of energy and vision none of it is mustered, it just sort of is. The real proof of character is to step out for the things that take some effort, some extra (perhaps granted) power, some faith. Jade Goody was ott - it didn't made her brave it just made her loud.
I don't know quite what it is I must do in order to step out of my comfort zone but I do know that accepting the title of bravery is not really something that I can do yet. Bravery is a choice, not a character trait, but it is measured in relation to personality and if I am a fan of "extreme living" (so long as it isn't in sports) then I have to find something else to improve at. There are plenty of weak areas it's just most of them don't involve speaking or acting out! Perhaps the opposite...
In fact I think I may have been letting darkness in and disguising it as light; hiding a grumble in legitimate disappointment and righteous anger. That has got to be more dangerous than being a regular moaner. Oh I so appreciate being forgiven (by people and God alike) when I mess up in this way - it's the lifeline again, yet another chance.
Did that segue nicely back to the start of the post? Do I have a point? I don't know. Not feeling that clear in my head but somehow, in my heart, I do. I have freedom and it doesn't stem from emotional independence, academic closure, listening to Nina Simone (link) (though that does help) or even living in my privileged, literally unchained existence with all the love and beauty I have around me in the world. It is the love in my heart that means I am free despite the fact that I have had a pretty "hellish" few weeks with just about every tragic/emotional/work pressured/relational/physical/health-related/mentally unstable/personal failing issue arising a girl could wish for. This thrice now extended (record is 6) project pends too and I have a lot of tasks to squeeze in that need sorting before summer... but I just wish I could share all the love that's in my heart 'cause it is the reason I don't feel enslaved by the stuff above (granted I do sometimes - again with the 'both/and/now/not yet' thang). Living with a lifeline is so much better than a deadline, it's yet another analogy for the fullness and "Kingdom" that I bang on about. Who doesn't want that? (Apart from Lord Humperdink of course but I reckon even he would if he could.)
I'm pretty busy these next couple of weeks, boldly going where no Kat(i)e has ever gone before - the library. Pray for me if you don't mind (you don't have to believe it) and I'll see you around...
Lataz :-)
Showing posts with label Both/And. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Both/And. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Love is Like a Magic Penny
I was remembering this song earlier because it is just so spot on for how I feel about love and, well, doesn't it make a fabulous analogy? We used to sing it at primary school and thought it was just silly but I am struck these day by how beautiful the sentiment is:
Love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more
It's just like a magic penny,
Hold it tight and you won't have any.
Lend it, spend it, and you'll have so many
They'll roll all over the floor.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
Money's dandy and we like to use it,
But love is better if you don't refuse it.
It's a treasure and you'll never lose it
Unless you lock up your door.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
So let's go dancing till the break of day,
And if there's a piper, we can pay.
For love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
I'd never heard the other verses before, I really like them a lot and am particularly struck by the dancing analogy.
An afterthought:
Hmmmmm, actually, why not. I say this because I am both cheekily joking and deadly serious and because it seems to me to have come up quite naturally. I am only doing a quick post tonight because I have to get up early tomorrow and run 10 km for the sake of love (link). On a swollen ankle and with a slightly infected mega blister no less. I don't say this to moan or to brag. I say it because it is an analogy for sacrifice bringing freedom and if you read what I wrote at the link above it goes into more detail that I don't have time for tonight.
Love Running (link) is the name of the project. The pain of tomorrow is no patch on the suffering of African children, addicted prostitutes and grieving families. The cost of sponsorship is no patch on the difference only a small amount of money can make to those lives. It would stop being a metaphor if that magic penny found its way into my justgiving account before tomorrow morning - love would actually have increased in the world. This post did not start off intending to be a request for money but I just don't see why it shouldn't end as one. Freedom is the key to fullness of life, which is what I keep banging on about. I think giving away love would bring freedom to both you and thousands of others... how can I deprive anyone of that opportunity?
Love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more
It's just like a magic penny,
Hold it tight and you won't have any.
Lend it, spend it, and you'll have so many
They'll roll all over the floor.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
Money's dandy and we like to use it,
But love is better if you don't refuse it.
It's a treasure and you'll never lose it
Unless you lock up your door.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
So let's go dancing till the break of day,
And if there's a piper, we can pay.
For love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
For love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.
I'd never heard the other verses before, I really like them a lot and am particularly struck by the dancing analogy.
An afterthought:
Hmmmmm, actually, why not. I say this because I am both cheekily joking and deadly serious and because it seems to me to have come up quite naturally. I am only doing a quick post tonight because I have to get up early tomorrow and run 10 km for the sake of love (link). On a swollen ankle and with a slightly infected mega blister no less. I don't say this to moan or to brag. I say it because it is an analogy for sacrifice bringing freedom and if you read what I wrote at the link above it goes into more detail that I don't have time for tonight.
Love Running (link) is the name of the project. The pain of tomorrow is no patch on the suffering of African children, addicted prostitutes and grieving families. The cost of sponsorship is no patch on the difference only a small amount of money can make to those lives. It would stop being a metaphor if that magic penny found its way into my justgiving account before tomorrow morning - love would actually have increased in the world. This post did not start off intending to be a request for money but I just don't see why it shouldn't end as one. Freedom is the key to fullness of life, which is what I keep banging on about. I think giving away love would bring freedom to both you and thousands of others... how can I deprive anyone of that opportunity?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
OW
I know there is such a thing as blogging too much but I don't care, it is all I can do right now.
Last week on Monday Becca marveled at my cheer. I assured her that I did have the occasional half hour of despondency and she told me that, even so, if I ever actually needed her she would be there. She did not know what she was letting herself in for.
I don't think I have ever actually seen more pain ever in one place. We are not just talking Sam, though that sort of shadows the whole thing. Failed ambitions, broken hearts, lost dreams, yet more death. Everywhere I look. What is going on...?
When I started this blog it was Easter and I wrote about that day and the resurrection of Jesus as a symbol, or analogy, of hope in and potential for fullness of life. This is still true. Yet, well, show me the fullness...
I wasn't wrong to be hopeful like this but I did miss a vital part and that part is Good Friday. The day that represents death. The day of darkness. The day that reminds us of the things in this world that block freedom and life and, to me, shows the need for the substitution of Jesus.
I really really want it to be Sunday now, all the time, but I realise it isn't. Experience speaks for itself that all is not well. Some poeple would tell me I am living in a limiting mindset. I tell them to wait for what comes next if they don't believe me yet. Every day I wake up knowing that the day has something significant to bring and every day I go to bed and am hit by the sadness of what the day did bring. This afternoon I saw hope come to one girl as she dealt with her grief... only to hear a sudden death stole the life of her friend tonight. What is going on? I thought I had it bad. How are we to stand this?
Thing is, I do. I can stand it. I don't get it but I still fervently believe in the true love forever. I think I must be autistic. When love is imperfect our hope might be misplaced. When love is perfect then, by definition, it will not fail us.
If I had to pick a day of the week to be an analogy to life now I think it would be Saturday. Touched on both sides by the dark of Friday and the light of Sunday it is the both/and once more. Moving ever closer to the next day and farther from the one before, but not yet arrived... we have departed though, our destination is certain and it is at least the weekend.
So I sing. 'Dancing in the Moonlight' and 'Dance the Night Away' are pretty helpful. They are cheesy crap but I need that right now. It is Saturday night and the lights are down low. So DANCE. What else to do? I have more vehemency for life. I don't want to be bitter like Wolverine or Inigo Montoya. I have decided to be a musician, or at least actually try. Life is too short for wishful thinking and it seems the best way I know to bring joy. We need joy so so bad. And a soundtrack to dance to.
No, my hope is not stolen yet. Au contraire, it makes me all the more desperate to get away from Friday and see the dawn rising. I think we have to be ready to herald that dawn in and seek the rising sun and the casting away of the shadows. That is where the belief in the brighter future comes from even though we are still painfully aware of the things that happened yesterday.
I don't know how much more darkness will come and I desperately hope that I can stay joyful if it does. Literally anything could happen in the blink of an eye. The world as we know it is changing before our eyes.
Apparently, though, when Pandora opened that box and let evil out into the world, left in the bottom was hope. (No, I haven't confused my religion with ancient mythology.) Fragile though it was, it was there after all the bad stuff attacked.
Every generation sees shi*t happen and they didn't all see the end of the world come. I can't possibly speculate. I don't pretend to. But the phrase "the darkest hour is before the dawn" comes to mind. Time scales are of no consequence. I personally feel I can't cope with much more of this and still keep smiling most of the time but I could be wrong... we will bear what we will bear and the promises of what will come are very good and very real. People are tougher than they think. So what if I've got an injury and may not be able to race at the weekend; and my degree is falling apart before my eyes; and, well, I don't know what will sneak up on me next to try and steal my joy but it has all been having a pretty good go. However, if I can resist long enough it will stop and then the good will come... and it's not just true for me either. It is a little scary as to what may happen next, I admit. Better pray harder. In the end though, we go through hardships (link) now for a kingdom that will not fail or end. That's not just the Bible, it's the very nature of resistance and endurance training - ask any athlete.
Yes, we really still can see the brighter future. I once marveled to myself at how chirpy this blog had turned out and how much the world seemed to be telling me bright, joyful things. Now? I think it is telling me something quite different... but also that, in the valley, good things will come and how, though still dark, the dancing for joy isn't not true.
What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
Psalm 84: 5-7 (link)
Becca and I watched The Princess Bride again tonight. Keeping the vision. Lol, watching our "Perfect Love" in the shape of Westley the Farm Boy more like:
I jest because I don't know what else to do. And because I can. Hey, this is my Jesus, my true love, and I will not "marry another while He lives"... and, well, he sure is perfect... :-P Before we did this we lay on top of my car and watched the night sky and wished upon some stars. Then, well, I thought it was funny - a bloke walked past and in a moment of brilliant quickness I looked up and said:
"This isn't your car is it?"
We laughed for like 5 minutes.
Right here right now OW is a pretty good summary. But then so is WOW. Both/And. The best part is: the bad is fleeting and the good is not. This is why joy has, thus far, survived.
Sorry to be so intense, life just is right now. I wonder if it will ever not be...
Last week on Monday Becca marveled at my cheer. I assured her that I did have the occasional half hour of despondency and she told me that, even so, if I ever actually needed her she would be there. She did not know what she was letting herself in for.
I don't think I have ever actually seen more pain ever in one place. We are not just talking Sam, though that sort of shadows the whole thing. Failed ambitions, broken hearts, lost dreams, yet more death. Everywhere I look. What is going on...?
When I started this blog it was Easter and I wrote about that day and the resurrection of Jesus as a symbol, or analogy, of hope in and potential for fullness of life. This is still true. Yet, well, show me the fullness...
I wasn't wrong to be hopeful like this but I did miss a vital part and that part is Good Friday. The day that represents death. The day of darkness. The day that reminds us of the things in this world that block freedom and life and, to me, shows the need for the substitution of Jesus.
I really really want it to be Sunday now, all the time, but I realise it isn't. Experience speaks for itself that all is not well. Some poeple would tell me I am living in a limiting mindset. I tell them to wait for what comes next if they don't believe me yet. Every day I wake up knowing that the day has something significant to bring and every day I go to bed and am hit by the sadness of what the day did bring. This afternoon I saw hope come to one girl as she dealt with her grief... only to hear a sudden death stole the life of her friend tonight. What is going on? I thought I had it bad. How are we to stand this?
Thing is, I do. I can stand it. I don't get it but I still fervently believe in the true love forever. I think I must be autistic. When love is imperfect our hope might be misplaced. When love is perfect then, by definition, it will not fail us.
If I had to pick a day of the week to be an analogy to life now I think it would be Saturday. Touched on both sides by the dark of Friday and the light of Sunday it is the both/and once more. Moving ever closer to the next day and farther from the one before, but not yet arrived... we have departed though, our destination is certain and it is at least the weekend.
So I sing. 'Dancing in the Moonlight' and 'Dance the Night Away' are pretty helpful. They are cheesy crap but I need that right now. It is Saturday night and the lights are down low. So DANCE. What else to do? I have more vehemency for life. I don't want to be bitter like Wolverine or Inigo Montoya. I have decided to be a musician, or at least actually try. Life is too short for wishful thinking and it seems the best way I know to bring joy. We need joy so so bad. And a soundtrack to dance to.
No, my hope is not stolen yet. Au contraire, it makes me all the more desperate to get away from Friday and see the dawn rising. I think we have to be ready to herald that dawn in and seek the rising sun and the casting away of the shadows. That is where the belief in the brighter future comes from even though we are still painfully aware of the things that happened yesterday.
I don't know how much more darkness will come and I desperately hope that I can stay joyful if it does. Literally anything could happen in the blink of an eye. The world as we know it is changing before our eyes.
Apparently, though, when Pandora opened that box and let evil out into the world, left in the bottom was hope. (No, I haven't confused my religion with ancient mythology.) Fragile though it was, it was there after all the bad stuff attacked.
Every generation sees shi*t happen and they didn't all see the end of the world come. I can't possibly speculate. I don't pretend to. But the phrase "the darkest hour is before the dawn" comes to mind. Time scales are of no consequence. I personally feel I can't cope with much more of this and still keep smiling most of the time but I could be wrong... we will bear what we will bear and the promises of what will come are very good and very real. People are tougher than they think. So what if I've got an injury and may not be able to race at the weekend; and my degree is falling apart before my eyes; and, well, I don't know what will sneak up on me next to try and steal my joy but it has all been having a pretty good go. However, if I can resist long enough it will stop and then the good will come... and it's not just true for me either. It is a little scary as to what may happen next, I admit. Better pray harder. In the end though, we go through hardships (link) now for a kingdom that will not fail or end. That's not just the Bible, it's the very nature of resistance and endurance training - ask any athlete.
Yes, we really still can see the brighter future. I once marveled to myself at how chirpy this blog had turned out and how much the world seemed to be telling me bright, joyful things. Now? I think it is telling me something quite different... but also that, in the valley, good things will come and how, though still dark, the dancing for joy isn't not true.
What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
Psalm 84: 5-7 (link)
Becca and I watched The Princess Bride again tonight. Keeping the vision. Lol, watching our "Perfect Love" in the shape of Westley the Farm Boy more like:
I jest because I don't know what else to do. And because I can. Hey, this is my Jesus, my true love, and I will not "marry another while He lives"... and, well, he sure is perfect... :-P Before we did this we lay on top of my car and watched the night sky and wished upon some stars. Then, well, I thought it was funny - a bloke walked past and in a moment of brilliant quickness I looked up and said:
"This isn't your car is it?"
We laughed for like 5 minutes.
Right here right now OW is a pretty good summary. But then so is WOW. Both/And. The best part is: the bad is fleeting and the good is not. This is why joy has, thus far, survived.
Sorry to be so intense, life just is right now. I wonder if it will ever not be...
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Princess Bride
I don't know if I am blogging too much at the moment but I am thinking a lot and it is sure a helpful way of processing. I realise that we all speak different languages and that I myself use evangelical Christian lingo loads (and still feel a bit wierd about it a lot of the time). I do try and interchange that to semi-explain but today I want to define stuff at the start so I don't have to keep caveating. One phrase I tend to use is 'fullness of life' because I think it is self-explanatory and we can all relate to it without the need for translation. It is a general notion that I have often mixed up with "The Kingdom of God" or "The Kingdom of Heaven" (same thing as each other) but this is actually a far more specific concept (it also means fullness but has a particular method for achievement) that I found myself referring to in part in my last post and which may well have been quite confusing for readers that aren't au fait with the details of my faith.
So let me elucidate through the medium of one of the greatest films ever made.
The theme of the church being the bride of Christ has come up a few times recently on AT! so when I decided to watch this film tonight I sort of had an inkling it might make an interesting analogy! Gosh, I know, contrived. Yet I have been really wanting to watch it again for ages now and kept looking out for it every time I go past DVDs for sale; then today a serious of uncoordinated events lead me to a friend's house who had watch it the day before and I realised that now was my chance! We used to watch it in DT at Christmas... who'd have thought I would see Jesus in it 11 years later...!
I don't want to ruin the plot, though really can anyone not have seen this legend of a film...? I suppose I can't assume. Like Jesus, some fools are still missing out :-P Jokes! Basically it a story with the central theme of True Love. Evil is personified incredibly well by the lying cowardly selfish prince and there is an initially-underdog hero with a hidden identity. A posy of inept but well-intending and diverse companions represent the church!
You may think that this film is about Jesus coming to earth, fighting for love and, given he dies and is resurrected at one point, we then see the Easter story. It could be about that I suppose but actually, as I eluded to before, this is not the complete story of Jesus according to the Christian faith.
You see, this hero actually dies twice in the story. At the start he leaves but promises to return for his true love, so when the news of his death arrives it destroys her ability to ever love again. Her life is in effect then sold to the evil prince and she doesn't know any kind of joy at all. Then he turns up again out of the blue, rescues her from the foolish yet deadly kidnappers (even though it was "inconceivable") and they are free to fight for her freedom (spot the paradox) from her betrothal to the head baddie. THIS is where "The Kingdom" is now. Post return from the dead by the unexpected saviour and love of her life, they are suddenly alive again together - him in body, her in heart - and ready to take the victory. The power of that love means that they will succeed. Yet they are not out of the danger zone and still have to get through the "fire swamp", be hunted down by the prince, and then, after a little bit of death, storm the palace, kill some major enemies and suffer much injury. Indeed, they are actually separated for a time during which she has seemingly returned to her fate and can only hope for him to once more come back for her.
While he is away is when he dies the second time. Except, actually, he doesn't die at all. Even when they go for the "miracle" the witchdoctor says he is only mostly dead and that is not what we believe about the cross At All. But it might be what we believe about Christianity at times.
You see, the Kingdom was established when he came back the first time. Back from the dead that is (we are talking about Jesus now by the way, not the farmboy-turned-fighter). That was when her heart was reawaken, that was when she (the princess bride - both her and the church) gained her faith in him so that, when she lost sight of him again, she knew it wasn't forever and believed in the return. He (Westley) said to her (Buttercup):
W: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
B: "I will never doubt again."
W: "There will never be a need."
Awwwwwww.
She did doubt mind. He came back at such a last minute, when she had (mistakenly) thought it was too late, that she was about to kill herself in despair. He would never have let her though.
We Christians often doubt, despite the reassurances that there is no need. We live with this love in our hearts but it can wane and when the evil baddies of the world are trying to woo us, whilst secretly plotting behind our backs to strangle us on our wedding night, it can feel a lot like that love isn't coming back. Sometimes we even entertain the idea of "marrying another" but this love, this perfect love, really cannot be tracked down by a thousand blood hounds or broken... no way no how (I can't remember the whole quote).
In the time they are reunited he rescues her from a pit. Soon after, when she is afraid and says "We'll never succeed. We may as well die here", he says "No, no. We have already succeeded." There is this whole time that goes by of knowing that love is alive and they are already victorious and then having to wait for it to arrive. That is what I meant yesterday when I said NOW and NOT YET. They have still got stuff to fight and, as I am all too aware, losses to bear, but the love is alive and in that there is all the potential for joy in the world and an ever increasing experience of it, as we become more and more full and free in life... closer and closer to him coming back and deafeating the enemy once and for all.
So that is what "The Kingdom" is. It is the living love in our hearts that is exploding outwards as we approach the day of completion. I do believe we have the Key to the Kingdom in our hands/hearts but I also believe that the King has not yet taken control. He was crowned on the cross, the coronation at the crucifixion, but he is waiting a while before he fully takes up the position. The wait seems so painful but He does it out of love because if there was no wait we'd have no chance to choose Him. He leaves the gates open to let people in but as long as they are open bad stuff can get in too... That's why it is another both/and situation and so confusing and also frustrating at times. It - that is the love, the Kingdom - becomes more pervasive though, I think it advances as the plot climaxes. This happens as the unlikely but lovable drunk, socially rejected, foolish, bitter companions come alongside the now unmasked hero, who they realise they both need and love, and unite together with him even though they tried to kill him near the start. They really hope and do their best, he is brilliant, the princess marries her saviour and their love is finally made complete. The couple have the most passionate, the most pure kiss since kissing was invented and then they ride off into the distance on white horses, to the Happy Ever After.
All this and narrated by Columbo too. If heaven is half as good then you know it will be a pretty special place!
So let me elucidate through the medium of one of the greatest films ever made.
The theme of the church being the bride of Christ has come up a few times recently on AT! so when I decided to watch this film tonight I sort of had an inkling it might make an interesting analogy! Gosh, I know, contrived. Yet I have been really wanting to watch it again for ages now and kept looking out for it every time I go past DVDs for sale; then today a serious of uncoordinated events lead me to a friend's house who had watch it the day before and I realised that now was my chance! We used to watch it in DT at Christmas... who'd have thought I would see Jesus in it 11 years later...!
I don't want to ruin the plot, though really can anyone not have seen this legend of a film...? I suppose I can't assume. Like Jesus, some fools are still missing out :-P Jokes! Basically it a story with the central theme of True Love. Evil is personified incredibly well by the lying cowardly selfish prince and there is an initially-underdog hero with a hidden identity. A posy of inept but well-intending and diverse companions represent the church!
You may think that this film is about Jesus coming to earth, fighting for love and, given he dies and is resurrected at one point, we then see the Easter story. It could be about that I suppose but actually, as I eluded to before, this is not the complete story of Jesus according to the Christian faith.
You see, this hero actually dies twice in the story. At the start he leaves but promises to return for his true love, so when the news of his death arrives it destroys her ability to ever love again. Her life is in effect then sold to the evil prince and she doesn't know any kind of joy at all. Then he turns up again out of the blue, rescues her from the foolish yet deadly kidnappers (even though it was "inconceivable") and they are free to fight for her freedom (spot the paradox) from her betrothal to the head baddie. THIS is where "The Kingdom" is now. Post return from the dead by the unexpected saviour and love of her life, they are suddenly alive again together - him in body, her in heart - and ready to take the victory. The power of that love means that they will succeed. Yet they are not out of the danger zone and still have to get through the "fire swamp", be hunted down by the prince, and then, after a little bit of death, storm the palace, kill some major enemies and suffer much injury. Indeed, they are actually separated for a time during which she has seemingly returned to her fate and can only hope for him to once more come back for her.
While he is away is when he dies the second time. Except, actually, he doesn't die at all. Even when they go for the "miracle" the witchdoctor says he is only mostly dead and that is not what we believe about the cross At All. But it might be what we believe about Christianity at times.
You see, the Kingdom was established when he came back the first time. Back from the dead that is (we are talking about Jesus now by the way, not the farmboy-turned-fighter). That was when her heart was reawaken, that was when she (the princess bride - both her and the church) gained her faith in him so that, when she lost sight of him again, she knew it wasn't forever and believed in the return. He (Westley) said to her (Buttercup):
W: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
B: "I will never doubt again."
W: "There will never be a need."
Awwwwwww.
She did doubt mind. He came back at such a last minute, when she had (mistakenly) thought it was too late, that she was about to kill herself in despair. He would never have let her though.
We Christians often doubt, despite the reassurances that there is no need. We live with this love in our hearts but it can wane and when the evil baddies of the world are trying to woo us, whilst secretly plotting behind our backs to strangle us on our wedding night, it can feel a lot like that love isn't coming back. Sometimes we even entertain the idea of "marrying another" but this love, this perfect love, really cannot be tracked down by a thousand blood hounds or broken... no way no how (I can't remember the whole quote).
In the time they are reunited he rescues her from a pit. Soon after, when she is afraid and says "We'll never succeed. We may as well die here", he says "No, no. We have already succeeded." There is this whole time that goes by of knowing that love is alive and they are already victorious and then having to wait for it to arrive. That is what I meant yesterday when I said NOW and NOT YET. They have still got stuff to fight and, as I am all too aware, losses to bear, but the love is alive and in that there is all the potential for joy in the world and an ever increasing experience of it, as we become more and more full and free in life... closer and closer to him coming back and deafeating the enemy once and for all.
So that is what "The Kingdom" is. It is the living love in our hearts that is exploding outwards as we approach the day of completion. I do believe we have the Key to the Kingdom in our hands/hearts but I also believe that the King has not yet taken control. He was crowned on the cross, the coronation at the crucifixion, but he is waiting a while before he fully takes up the position. The wait seems so painful but He does it out of love because if there was no wait we'd have no chance to choose Him. He leaves the gates open to let people in but as long as they are open bad stuff can get in too... That's why it is another both/and situation and so confusing and also frustrating at times. It - that is the love, the Kingdom - becomes more pervasive though, I think it advances as the plot climaxes. This happens as the unlikely but lovable drunk, socially rejected, foolish, bitter companions come alongside the now unmasked hero, who they realise they both need and love, and unite together with him even though they tried to kill him near the start. They really hope and do their best, he is brilliant, the princess marries her saviour and their love is finally made complete. The couple have the most passionate, the most pure kiss since kissing was invented and then they ride off into the distance on white horses, to the Happy Ever After.
All this and narrated by Columbo too. If heaven is half as good then you know it will be a pretty special place!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A Death and a Wedding
When Sam, aged 12, died on Friday night I really didn't think this blog would be an appropriate forum to discuss it in. Well at first I didn't so much think at all, it was mostly an emotion of deep sadness. As the waves of grief wash over a person the internal processing is also tidal, and when I did get round to reasoning about it, particularly in the context of my world view, I didn't know how I could possibly reconcile my (still existing) hope and love of life with public expression or enthusiasm. There is distaste and then there is betrayal of dear friends in their terrible loss.
I made two mistakes. The first was an air of flippancy about joy as I blogged before. The second was to think that I must not be joyful now.
On Friday morning I felt like I wanted wanted to write a clarifier in response to my enthusiasm about dancing (link). Since Friday night I have had the fuel for this clarifier but it literally grieves me as to what it took to help me understand.
I find a useful model for experiencing the ups and downs of life in both the Bible and ancient philosophy. 1 Corinthians 4 (link) talks about a church that grieves together and rejoices together whilst Plato (link) too describes this when outlining a "city with the best constitution". We need to be respectful of one another when we see what we are going through but, more than that, community is about truly sharing in each others's lives. This morning at church we grieved corporately. I saw mourning parents, spoke with them, hugged them, cried a little too. It was really real and it was terribly sad and there are no answers.
And I don't think we are supposed to have them. We believe in a God that raises people from the dead but we live in a world where people do die and stay dead. The knowledge that Sam knew Jesus is a huge comfort to those of us who believe that means he is is heaven, but it doesn't stop the tragedy of a young life coming to an end; and expecting good things to be brought from this does not justify the loss. I think perhaps there are sometimes more questions as a Christian than not, because we believe that God knows what will happen and has power over everything. The need to let go and remember our humanity is difficult in the promise that we have the authority of Christ living in us.
So there is Both denial And acceptance of this death. And this is the first of many BOTH/ANDs. God is good... and bad things happen. We are free and empowered to live life in fullness... and life gets taken away. We should be glad for what is out there... and there are nasty things out there trying to get in. Continuing to believe in the best things... and seeing the worst happen. Knowing that Jesus said fullness of life is right here right now if we choose to live in it... but also knowing that He said He's going to one day come back and bring it with Him.
That last one in particular... it fits with my adamancy of late that we have the complete potential to be totally whole and free and living life in all it's fullness, yet with this happening as a sudden stark reminder of the final chapter to come in the story. It is NOW and NOT YET. How can this even be the case?
But it is the case. And as we mourn and are genuinely sad I have also had tons of laughter in the past 24 hours. I was at times so hopeful for what will come from this that I felt guilty... until I randomly met with my pastor in the street at just the right time, had some great sound advice from friends, re-remembered how to cry, then heard a sermon that reminded me I am only finite in my capacity to feel and that people can be both JOYFUL and GRIEVING simultaneously. I saw smiles and laughter at church, even through the tears of his parents. It was only a moment but everywhere and in every way we and life are both/and. [I highly recommend the sermon actually and will put a link up just as soon as it is online. It isn't overt-God, just really helpful ideas about expressing the truth that joy and hope and love is not wrong in the face of this, but that the pain is still real.]
Studying maths I have learned that many things are beyond understanding. If backed into a corner, even the most brilliant of theorists will have to admit that the very foundations of maths are unproven, circular and paradoxical. That is a nightmare and because of it we mathematicians live behind a veil of ignorance (wow I would not be popular in my department if they knew I said that!). The same impossibility applies here. Stuff happens that the actual processes of logic we use to function can't grasp. Life (and counting) does seem to work and go on but the why is totally incomprehensible and that is the point of trust.
One of the problems with the maths is the realm of the infinite. Things just change when we deal with numbers that aren't tangible. There is no more "logic". Sam's death is simply wrong on our finite human scale. When we factor in eternity it doesn't stop our human reasoning from being in pain because we are still human, but it does mean that somehow something is different... even if we are unable to fully grasp it. His six year old brother serenely drew a picture of him going off in a balloon from the rest of the family to a happy place. Kids that age don't have a grasp of the impact of "forever" apparently. I think maybe we are ones the that don't have the grasp. Who knows, perhaps that is the childlike faith we are told to believe in.
It was a steal, not a plan. But in the long, actual long, run, in a way we don't yet get, it is still fullness of life. Not the kind of death (link) that I wrote of before, so we don't mourn like those without hope (link). But we do mourn for now. Yet not too.
To carry on we must remember it is both/and. The sadness of death is true but so is the joy of life and, since the size (or cardinality for a mathematician) of the life far exceeds the size of the death, the net result is still good. In theory at least.
The wedding celebrated in our church on Saturday reminds us of this joy. A wedding, like the one Jesus gives (as mentioned a couple of posts ago (link)) as an analogy for the union of us with Him when He returns for good. The picture of perfect love, intimacy and joyful celebration for ever. We are still to hope for that and remember that it is coming in entirety one day...
Another thing we did yesterday was take part in a social action project, blessing the very community (I actually drove past the spot) in which the hit and run took place. Sharing love potentially, and definitely symbolically, with the drunk driver responsible. I was group leading with some children that day who are Sam's age and younger. They can't help but be joyful it seems. As we were driving along they started shouting excitedly out the window and, after a conversation about sensitivity to different people's beliefs, the little girl next to me began calling:
"Welcome to the future!"
When we got to lunch, for some unknown (possibly unknowable?!) reason there was a camp man playing a white custom-made fancy electric organ (with "Byron Jones The Welsh Wizard" written on the front) there, practising for a hymn concert that evening. Amidst the tunes he suddenly blasted out "Dancing Queen" and we all had a sing-a-long.
It IS the future, it IS dancing... and it is still a little bit now and sometimes crap with a capital 'C' too.
Fullness of life isn't always about merriment. My enthusiasm before was concerned with counteracting apathy and cynicism, not about grief in the things that genuinely demonstrate a lack of life. Yet the constant, all-pervading, joy is still a valid notion when considered in relation to the future hope; it just doesn't always look like dancing. (Though it still can do too.) Bitter-sweet.
The Bible says that the Kingdom of God (Christian lingo for total fullness of life (a necessary tautology I now realise)) belongs to those such as the children. It also says that death has lost its sting. We do still feel the bitter puncture wound right here right now but in heaven today, and forever more, Sam is dancing (well most probably playing football actually)... and he is gonna get better and better at it for ever and ever. That is just sweet.
I made two mistakes. The first was an air of flippancy about joy as I blogged before. The second was to think that I must not be joyful now.
On Friday morning I felt like I wanted wanted to write a clarifier in response to my enthusiasm about dancing (link). Since Friday night I have had the fuel for this clarifier but it literally grieves me as to what it took to help me understand.
I find a useful model for experiencing the ups and downs of life in both the Bible and ancient philosophy. 1 Corinthians 4 (link) talks about a church that grieves together and rejoices together whilst Plato (link) too describes this when outlining a "city with the best constitution". We need to be respectful of one another when we see what we are going through but, more than that, community is about truly sharing in each others's lives. This morning at church we grieved corporately. I saw mourning parents, spoke with them, hugged them, cried a little too. It was really real and it was terribly sad and there are no answers.
And I don't think we are supposed to have them. We believe in a God that raises people from the dead but we live in a world where people do die and stay dead. The knowledge that Sam knew Jesus is a huge comfort to those of us who believe that means he is is heaven, but it doesn't stop the tragedy of a young life coming to an end; and expecting good things to be brought from this does not justify the loss. I think perhaps there are sometimes more questions as a Christian than not, because we believe that God knows what will happen and has power over everything. The need to let go and remember our humanity is difficult in the promise that we have the authority of Christ living in us.
So there is Both denial And acceptance of this death. And this is the first of many BOTH/ANDs. God is good... and bad things happen. We are free and empowered to live life in fullness... and life gets taken away. We should be glad for what is out there... and there are nasty things out there trying to get in. Continuing to believe in the best things... and seeing the worst happen. Knowing that Jesus said fullness of life is right here right now if we choose to live in it... but also knowing that He said He's going to one day come back and bring it with Him.
That last one in particular... it fits with my adamancy of late that we have the complete potential to be totally whole and free and living life in all it's fullness, yet with this happening as a sudden stark reminder of the final chapter to come in the story. It is NOW and NOT YET. How can this even be the case?
But it is the case. And as we mourn and are genuinely sad I have also had tons of laughter in the past 24 hours. I was at times so hopeful for what will come from this that I felt guilty... until I randomly met with my pastor in the street at just the right time, had some great sound advice from friends, re-remembered how to cry, then heard a sermon that reminded me I am only finite in my capacity to feel and that people can be both JOYFUL and GRIEVING simultaneously. I saw smiles and laughter at church, even through the tears of his parents. It was only a moment but everywhere and in every way we and life are both/and. [I highly recommend the sermon actually and will put a link up just as soon as it is online. It isn't overt-God, just really helpful ideas about expressing the truth that joy and hope and love is not wrong in the face of this, but that the pain is still real.]
Studying maths I have learned that many things are beyond understanding. If backed into a corner, even the most brilliant of theorists will have to admit that the very foundations of maths are unproven, circular and paradoxical. That is a nightmare and because of it we mathematicians live behind a veil of ignorance (wow I would not be popular in my department if they knew I said that!). The same impossibility applies here. Stuff happens that the actual processes of logic we use to function can't grasp. Life (and counting) does seem to work and go on but the why is totally incomprehensible and that is the point of trust.
One of the problems with the maths is the realm of the infinite. Things just change when we deal with numbers that aren't tangible. There is no more "logic". Sam's death is simply wrong on our finite human scale. When we factor in eternity it doesn't stop our human reasoning from being in pain because we are still human, but it does mean that somehow something is different... even if we are unable to fully grasp it. His six year old brother serenely drew a picture of him going off in a balloon from the rest of the family to a happy place. Kids that age don't have a grasp of the impact of "forever" apparently. I think maybe we are ones the that don't have the grasp. Who knows, perhaps that is the childlike faith we are told to believe in.
It was a steal, not a plan. But in the long, actual long, run, in a way we don't yet get, it is still fullness of life. Not the kind of death (link) that I wrote of before, so we don't mourn like those without hope (link). But we do mourn for now. Yet not too.
To carry on we must remember it is both/and. The sadness of death is true but so is the joy of life and, since the size (or cardinality for a mathematician) of the life far exceeds the size of the death, the net result is still good. In theory at least.
The wedding celebrated in our church on Saturday reminds us of this joy. A wedding, like the one Jesus gives (as mentioned a couple of posts ago (link)) as an analogy for the union of us with Him when He returns for good. The picture of perfect love, intimacy and joyful celebration for ever. We are still to hope for that and remember that it is coming in entirety one day...
Another thing we did yesterday was take part in a social action project, blessing the very community (I actually drove past the spot) in which the hit and run took place. Sharing love potentially, and definitely symbolically, with the drunk driver responsible. I was group leading with some children that day who are Sam's age and younger. They can't help but be joyful it seems. As we were driving along they started shouting excitedly out the window and, after a conversation about sensitivity to different people's beliefs, the little girl next to me began calling:
"Welcome to the future!"
When we got to lunch, for some unknown (possibly unknowable?!) reason there was a camp man playing a white custom-made fancy electric organ (with "Byron Jones The Welsh Wizard" written on the front) there, practising for a hymn concert that evening. Amidst the tunes he suddenly blasted out "Dancing Queen" and we all had a sing-a-long.
It IS the future, it IS dancing... and it is still a little bit now and sometimes crap with a capital 'C' too.
Fullness of life isn't always about merriment. My enthusiasm before was concerned with counteracting apathy and cynicism, not about grief in the things that genuinely demonstrate a lack of life. Yet the constant, all-pervading, joy is still a valid notion when considered in relation to the future hope; it just doesn't always look like dancing. (Though it still can do too.) Bitter-sweet.
The Bible says that the Kingdom of God (Christian lingo for total fullness of life (a necessary tautology I now realise)) belongs to those such as the children. It also says that death has lost its sting. We do still feel the bitter puncture wound right here right now but in heaven today, and forever more, Sam is dancing (well most probably playing football actually)... and he is gonna get better and better at it for ever and ever. That is just sweet.
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