DEATH

Today spoke to me of death. Many many times.

I've been thinking about this idea: life being made alive and death being put to dead. It makes sense to me - the full completion of each. It is strange that life would lead to death, is it not? Life is so, well, full of vitality. That's why I reckon resurrection is logical - where's the paradox in alive life? We don't start at death so why end on it...

When I talk of death I do so loosely.I mean those things that bring an end to life, growth, hope, joy, wholeness, love. If it's destroying the destruction of good things death doesn't really sound so bad; only when we apply it to life do we worry... because it goes against our most basic survival instincts.

I saw hope in alive life as death was put to death a couple of times today:

Outside my window there was a tree. This morning it looked something like this:

(Note the rainbow!)

Then, as I was getting ready to go to an exam (that marks the midpoint of my degree), it was suddenly being ravaged. I witnessed in awe as they climbed and chainsawed and pulled down this gigantic beast until it looked like this:


Then, when I came home a few hours later, all that was left was:

The stump comes out next week... (!)

And so the springyness of the blossom tree behind testifies to new life in the wake of the destroyed dominating giant. There will be so much more light, sunshine all summer long and a lawn to enjoy. Unkempt the tree was going to continue to expand - taking over everything. Oppressing, darkening and eventually destroying the foundations of homes as it cast a shadow over our lives. It is finished. Victory to the garden!


When I went down to have a closer inspection of the operation I also noticed this absolutely beautiful thing:


How fragile. How symbolic - perhaps it is another reminder of all the potential that spring holds...?!

I went to take the exam with a whole load of God given peace which was nice. He was putting to death all these constricting things and I knew that freedom in my heart :-) Anything was possible.

I almost completely failed. I actually may have.

Yet even now ('cause I think it may be permanent) I have accepted it with (and I do believe this is actual) Joy! Once upon a time I wanted to assert everything I was by this qualification and now I Know categorically that I cannot get a brilliant grade. I may not even get a good grade... but it is really and truly OK and, well, it sure takes the pressure off the next month! On my way home, as I mused upon these things, I saw this on the pavement and had to take a picture on my phone (despite looking quite mental):

How sad. How poignant. How definitely an analogy! I asked God what He was saying and I think that perhaps this is it: Associating everything that comes in spring (nay in life) as a good thing because it is beautiful is not always wise. Bees are dangerous (hence the colouring) and very very vulnerable. They only sting you once and then die. You can't depend on a bee.

You can't depend on a degree either. They can be good but they are not secure. I think God put to death once and for all in me (in the sense that it is irreversible) the disproportional hope that I put on my name being written on a certificate vs my name being written in His book of life. In this I grieved the 1st (top mark given at British universities) and then found comfort in the truth that God is my first love and absolutely anyone can qualify for His letters after their name.


But death does still often follow from life. And this makes me angry. Angry in a way that stems from the illogic. The injustice. The fact that I think there should be no more death and my belief that there really can be.

My dog is dead.

This makes me very very sad. I do not use Wendy's name in vain when I analogise her passing.

I can't believe that precious bundle of love, life, joy, affection, energy, beauty, family, friend, comforter, companion, running buddy... it makes me cry just to write this.

Yet, and this is why I am so so gutted, she is the one that would seem (in real life as opposed to analogy land) to deserve it the most. For she was put down today for attacking my mum.

And she has always been a bit of an interesting character. It was probably a risk to keep her as long as we did (it would be 4 years this summer) as her temper would make her grumble and her irritable nature was not always predictable. If people admired her in street (and they would. Not only was she a darling but her stunted growth meant she looked like a perpetual puppy) we would warn them not to touch. We had a system at home - when in the bed do not touch! She would greet me every morning with so much love it was untrue but even I would get growled at for standing near her basket at night. She was a bit of an unstable bitch and I know that, in the end, she had to go.

But the thing that makes me so cross is this:

What was put to death today was not death but life. Life destroyed by a weakness that, in this instance, was a character flaw. But one that masked her true nature, not defined it. Stemmed from too much breeding and not enough discipline. It was like she had no choice.

Yet she had a choice. We all do. I don't mean choose Jesus (I do also mean choose Jesus!) I mean it for every situation every day. We don't have to decide to react in a way that brings death - with hate, negativity, apathy, misery, stagnation, brokenness, fear... When we choose death, death will have it's way in us and there will be no fullness of life. In the bigger picture I would talk about eternal life conquering separation from God (the giver of life). In the right here, right now, I talk about becoming Wendy. Letting the things that come easy to us be the things that become us.

If we exist in death we are dead already, dead whilst breathing, for where is life in allowing the dross to survive? What is good? My analogies don't say. I suppose we must decide that for ourselves (hint: bible!). The question is, are you living what you call life? And if not then are you on the way to execution?

The thing that makes me so frustrated is that sometime I wonder if people actually can choose life - 'cause if so then Why Don't They? In God I believe all things are possible, I really do. I just don't know that I believe in people. Or dogs. Can a leopard really change its spots?

When I lose all hope I remember that the Bible says it can. Actually, the Bible says it can't but that is in the Old Testament and the New one totally amends that by sending Jesus! Is Jesus a necessary condition to achieve that whole life? I think so but feel free to prove me wrong. Is Jesus sufficient...?

If we do claim full life in Christ, which He did promise us, then yes He is. But choosing Jesus isn't choosing a name, it is choosing a whole way of life. You know where to look - biblegateway has a ton of versions and they print them on paper too don'tcha know. It's not easy, I'm not saying it is. I'm saying we need to decide to be prepared to really change and then show this decision in our actions. Just adopting a title isn't enough.

So, Christian or not, an act of WILL must take place to LIVE. There is a very brilliant side to this whole "death begins now" thing which is that if we choose life today then "life begins now"! That wholeness of life we want, free from the crap. (For Jesus-people that means "eternal life begins now" which is just mental. It's why He said the Kingdom of Heaven is right here, right now and the reason healing and miracles are still viable options!! Scary stuff but that's what life is about to us.)

I don't see enough of this proper life (or the Kingdom) anywhere (myself included) and it is getting me fed up. Please please prove me wrong and choose to live the life that you were intended to. Leopards CAN change their spots, they just can.

Don't let Wendy die in vain.