Nothing There

Today I faced up to something I should have done ages ago.

Bit of a confession: when I first moved into my current flat I set up about half my bills with a direct debit and the rest I never got round to. Paid a couple as they came and then, well, the novelty wore off and the second law of thermodynamics took over. I really am very disorganised in some ways and if it all gets too much to have to think about I just shut it out. Haven't got any reds through yet (that I'm aware of) but this whole fingers in ears, eyes shut, make-a-loud-noise type o' thing is really not very grown-up...

So, prompted in love by my mother, I got in touch with my telephone and internet provider. I have paperless bills but part of the problem is I don't really understand all that stuff, so I just phoned 'em. I pressed the number prompts according to what service I needed, told them my "personal private details" so they could see my account, and then asked them what it actually said. They were a bit confused so I explained that I wasn't very good at keeping on top of such things, or working out internet based access, and didn't really know what was going on or how to sort the whole mess out.

It turns out I've been paying them all along and didn't realise it! Best part is that unless I run out of money, or move, I don't ever have to worry about it again! Apparently they just do it all for me now... I am not as disorganised as I thought :-D

However, perhaps I am more so if I totally forgot! I've spent God-knows-how-long assuming I was inadequate and the avoidance factor in all this meant I didn't find out for ages that I'm not. In finally facing it, despite the fear, I realised that all I had to face was the fear. There was nothing else there to worry about at all! My ignored failing was actually not a failing, yet I then went on to create one anyway. How silly is that?

Goodness. We avoid facing small (or even non-existent) things and generate terrible ones in their place. Talk about a hindrance to Living in Fullness. I really do need to get in touch with Mr Gas Man and Ms Electric next though... I definitely owe them money. Best do it before they summon me to court too - this leniency won't last forever!