Weak, Broken, Vandalised?

This sunshine recently, well, there is a whole blog in that just waiting to be made ready, but in brief: it has been Good. Really wonderful symbol of really wonderful things. Lots of light, nearly summer, winter is so over it is untrue. I've been joyful.

Not so much today though. Today has been a test of joy as something that doesn't give in to external rubbish. The way I see it, real joy keeps going despite circumstances that would try and break us. Inner life that resists all the outer troubles; that defies death. If everything was always wonderful then the remarkable surviving capacity of joy would never be known. So, when my potent delight started getting a bit wobbly today, I just had to choose a joy filled life even more. Strangely enough, for the best part it worked.

Until now. This evening life has been all about the broken sunglasses and destroyed artwork. The choice to be joyful felt firmly taken. I was too tired, too worried, too comfortable in my misery to carry on choosing. Or at least to want to... and wanting to choose is kinda where it is at.

I broke my sunnies by being careless, flippant some may say. Sounds like me. I shouldn't have chucked them in my handbag along with everything else I carry around and expect the arm not to snap off. I've taken the risk enough times but I ought to have known better. Why is it we have to learn the hard way? Gutting. Loved those shades but obviously not enough to look after them.

As for destroyed art. Time ago, when I first moved to this city and I wrote a different blog, I got excited about this graffiti:

I said it was a Banksy (very famous local artist) but actually I was wrong. It is a Nick Walker (famous-if-you're-cool local artist).What I never got around to saying at the time is that this happened but a few weeks later:

Isn't that just a proper shame? I noticed it again this evening as I was walking home from my 'up-and-down, I was defeating it but not so much now' day.

Then, well, I sort of was thinking about all these weak, broken and vandalised things that say defeat and misery and destruction and stupidity and hate and lack of perfection... and I started to look on the bright side! Or not so much but, well, I'll explain...

Take the picture. I don't entirely understand it, granted, but there seems quite a good vibe. You got the heart, the romantic plotline. It looks like a picture of alternative love. Then some scally-wag comes along and corrupts it by performing actually destructive paintwork on top, denouncing all that is stands for in proclaiming freedom for "vandals". However, if you see the idea of Vandalism as being the main message then, actually, the picture itself getting vandalised can in some poetically just way be seen as an unlikely but in-keeping response to the original; merely reinforcing the ambiguity between beauty and mess. Moreover, perhaps it is even about the 2-D artist "Prince Charming" abusing Rapunzel and the picture is really about love being a vandal: a harmful, corrupting force... so whoever came along has just let the b*stard have it...?!

The chances are that it was a bored, jealous rascal trying to bring destruction and death. But you know what, even if it is that I reckon it makes no difference to what comes from it. That kid can't control the spin that we put on the muck, transforming rubbish into beauty as we see truth in it. He hasn't a clue what genuinely positive results come from something and he can't control it neither.

As for my careless, smashy smashy attitude. Well, on Saturday I couldn't find my fave ever sunglasses, not for love nor money. I only just spotted them yesterday morning as I left but I was in a hurry so I took the ones I already had in my bag: the big brown ones that were bought as a bit of a joke in Dublin oh so long ago... It was those what got broken, not the black heart-shaped ones I adore that have already been replaced for me once! (Lol. I swear only one reader will even know what I'm talking about... but she will care so I mention it for you Miss Spitfire!) My point? Perhaps I made a mistake but it could have been worse and from learning the hard way I can avoid doing so when it is really important. Perhaps it was a narrow escape. I don't really know what this means apart from about sunglasses! I think it is something to do with not beating myself up for when things go wrong and I feel, or indeed am, responsible.

All this may seem highly speculative (when does it not?!) but I reckon, perhaps, even speculation can fall into the graffiti camp. Doesn't really matter what motivation may be behind people, doesn't really matter what the result looks like on the surface or how bad the day gets, good can still come... somehow. There is a verse in the bible that talks about this, it is one of my favourites:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208:28;&version=31;

Kinda makes me hopeful that no matter how much I mess up something, someone messes up me, or even when a situation feels so dark and dead that I can longer "muster up" joy myself, it doesn't really matter. It will still all be OK. Nothing can be so weak, broken or vandalised that it can't be turned to good, no matter how bad it may initially seem. Now there's something to be glad about!