I miss you

I miss blogging.  I miss everything.  I miss finishing something I have started writing; capturing a thought and turning it into something complete; sitting down with a nice cuppa tea and not having a nagging "to do" in the back of my mind. I miss rest and I miss activity that is productive - how can a person be so busy and not be at all effective?  Or at least, not effective in the things she puts most of her energy into.

I know well that the Christian call is not one to be a "doer" of life.  That's because we don't need to work at being saved, because it isn't possible so God, who is gracious, made a way through Jesus (link)!!  It's also because life isn't a hobby, action or event - it's a state.  It is the context within which other things happen - jobs, relationships, children, ministry, creativity etc etc etc - and it's quality shouldn't be determined by the "stuff" it contains; rather, the quality of what it contains is determined by the atmosphere around it.

So I quit my job...

I miss them too.  In a way.  I miss the dear sweet (pain in the arse) children, and the fight for progress.  I miss the office banter and I even miss the people I didn't see eye to eye with.

Mostly though, I miss me.

I suppose if one's character is constantly changing, being redefined by what you do and experience, then all too easily we can become strangers to ourselves if we rapidly change tack.  This isn't always a bad thing but when it is the potential damage is high. I'm glad I've realised now but I still feel a little farther from home that I would like. But then perhaps this is my Dorothy moment : somewhere over the rainbow... 

I also miss what goes missing when you don't have opportunity to be.  To be yourself, to be with God, to listen to the world around and hear what it is telling you through the most ridiculous and sublime media. No wonder I don't have an analogy to share today... I've been so busy I missed it.